The Confession of a Priest's Wife
Hello, dear readers of the newspaper "Magic". I am going on the road and visited a newspaper stall where bought your newspaper. Rereading it, I suddenly wanted to write and also to open that for so long kept only in my Soul. Today is my 30-th birthday. I'm going to home and I have 12 hours to tell you why I chose to meet my Birthday in the road, and recently how the magic burst in my life and gave me a hope...
My name and region of residence, I won't to specify. I can only say that I'm a priest's wife. It would seem what I'd forgotten in the newspaper and what else I need to be happy. I am healthy. I have a husband who doesn't drink, doesn't beat and doesn't unfaithful to me. I have children and parents. It looks fine. And all who surround me seem to think so. But actually my life is just a soap bubble - a beautiful, large and sparkling in the sun. But if you touch it bursts, leaving only sticky liquid on your fingers.
Getting married, I knew what it means. But I loved my husband and sacrificed almost everything to be with him. Step by step he took away from me my old life and imposed his worldview to me. He forced me to abandon all of my friends and allowed me to communicate only with his colleagues and their families. He told me how I should dress, what to do and how to behave. I had to sit at home and give up worldly entertainment, listen to the right music, to go to Church, pray, confess, etc... You think it was hard? No! I quickly became involved and stuck in his world. Although, I admit, always feel out of place, as if a foreign body.
In personal relationships before the wedding everything was wonderful. He is beautifully cared for, gave flowers and paid a lot of attention. But, concerts and coming out of the temple, everything changed. It's like a substitute. Indifference I felt for the first wedding night, when I asked him to help dismantle my difficult hair and laced dress. And he didn't even look at me, and sent me to my mother as he was very busy looking for wedding gifts.
What was the result? It was nothing good. He lost himself at work. He took me with him when it was necessary. At home, he was sitting at the computer, playing online games, or read something. He had not seen me and not heard my voice. We didn't do anything together. Did not walk, did not rest, did not lie down together to sleep. We had no family celebrations and hobbies. It was not because we are different. It was because he preferred to do all things alone. I constantly imposed to him. I offered assistance in his work, like other wives. But he refused. Said, "You can't work and I don't need it." I watched what he was doing at home and wanted to do it with him and to somehow communicate, but he refused and avoided me. He lived for himself in his own world and he never allowed me to be in his real Life.
I tried to talk to him about what doesn't suit me. But he started to get nervous and say the same thing: "I don't understand what you need and what you don't have enough", "do something", "I was at work and tired of snot and tears of people, but at home I want to relax". Then I went to my room to cry into the pillow.
As for the material side we have not been secured. He didn't take the money for most of his work, so we often missed on life. And in 10 years we have nothing. My parents left me the apartment and gave me the car. But we even repair failed completely to do. And what we did all the same thanks to the parents. When I got tired of this poverty, I cited the example of his colleagues. Drew his attention, as they do, how they go to relax, builds a home and change cars. But he started to get nervous and I quickly closed the subject.
I wore things over the years. Now I wear a jacket what my parents bought me in the 11th grade. Good thing it do not drift and it is still in fashion. I was lucky would otherwise be left without jackets. And when I needed a winter jacket he said that we can't afford it and it really hurt the family budget. In such hopeless cases, I called my dad and he bought all the necessary.
He wouldn't let me drive. Although the right to drive I had. But he said that I will fail and I don't need to drive, he'll drive me around.
As the owner of the house he did not manifested himself. I needed weeks to ask him to mow the lawn, repair the door, electrician, and paint something, change wheels for the winter or simply to stop throwing things.
Our relations were further complicated when I became pregnant with their first child. I lost interest in it as a woman. He never asked, stroking the belly and talked to the child as other men. And when I started to give a birth I was at home all day. My husband had the day off and he was playing in his computer. I was really scared and wanted support. I sat behind him and something told him to somehow escape. Periods asked to turn him to me and hug and just sit with me. And he answered, that he can not help me and he wants to play on computer. He sent me to sleep or sit counting the minutes between contractions so as not to miss the moment when the time is right to go to the hospital. I was so lonely. Our children were tearful, restless and painful. The first years they spent on my arms. And I 24 hours, 7 days a week with almost no sleep, rest and get sick right played the role of "good" mother. I remember the day I couldn't sleep because there were chores, and at night the baby didn't sleep and cried for several hours. And the husband in the afternoon played the game, and when the baby started to cry he got up and said, "I will go to sleep. I must get up early tomorrow."
And then I got sick. I had a high temperature. But my husband hurried away from the house to not take care of me. My disease has always been. He didn't want to notice it. Over time, I stopped to say, I feel bad, and he could see my runny nose for a few days but he surprised to ask: "Are you sick?"
Once I was going to a friend (a priest's wife, too) but I sprained my foot. The foot swelled up and turned blue. I wanted to cancel the trip because the doctor said two weeks is not loading the leg. But my husband handed me the bags, the kids and drove us to my friend because he had no time for us to care. And I went...
It was very painful when he didn't want to help me wean my son from the breast. I fed him for three years and all attempts to stop feeding defeated. So I asked my husband to be with our son for a couple of days without me that the kid didn't see me and forgot about the chest. But my husband said that I came up with something else because he won't sit with the baby.
That's the kind of relationship, which we have lived for many years. A trifle to trifle and I was going into a big depression. Looking back I'm horrified that I could fall in love and let a man into my heart. I knew no one loved and not cared of me. Every night when I went to bed, I prayed to God to change my husband's heart or saved me from loving him and did the same to him. But God not listened to my prayers. I loved my husband. My love to husband turned into a solid bitterness and pain.
One day my eyes fell on the bottle of alcohol. I opened it and began to drink. The drink did not climb down into my throat. I had to drink water in larger quantities. But my pain became easier. Since that time, in the evenings when all things were done and the children was in beds to sleep I drank a lot and often. People say that alcohol is not the solution, but not in my case. It changed me. It did me indifferent and callous. I felt no matter what I'm a one among the crowd. I stopped worrying about household, financial and personal matters. In the apartment was idyll. The only thing what I asked is a laptop. My husband bought it and was he very glad that his wife is gone and no longer whines. It was nice for me because I no longer hurt inside me and settled calm and emptiness. All my free time I spent in the virtual world. I found new friends, activities, communication, attention, friendship, positive attitude and even heat. On the Internet I was happy and returned to the real world only to do household work and communicate with children.
Several months passed before my husband noticed that his wife under his nose to drink heavily and find of the Internet objectionable friends. He was surprised at finding me so different, so alien. That evening we for the first time in many years spoke from the heart. He finally listened to all that I have tried so long to tell him. I had one question: WHY!!!!! Why is he in churches preach love to one's neighbor, understanding, mercy, and other virtues, but he don't never took it in his life? He was surprised. He was as if waking up. He said that at first he never noticed that his behavior does not correctly, and secondly, he's not the example that I must inherit. He said that he as a Christian needs to constant improvement on a higher level with the others believers. He apologized, and said that he will change and offered to start all over again. I agreed, because that was my dream. What I had so long prayed and sobbed was happened.
He became all his spare time to give the children and the house. He bought me presents. But for some reason I wasn't that optimistic. His behavior bothered and annoyed me. I wanted to escape from him and get rid of his attention. Later he woke up. I was already a different person; in my heart the alcohol has consumed all my senses to my husband.
Several weeks passed and again we really talked. I said I don't love him I want a divorce and disperse. And he said that it will not be that he will not go away and children will not leave him. From this point on in the apartment came the cold war. He settled in the children room, he did all house work. Then he took the children. He cut and reduced my communication with them. My husband stopped to talk to me and addressed himself to yell, accuse and find fault with everything he could. Every day he reminded me that I'm a bad mother, filthy, shiftless, selfish and unmoral. What I did is bad and our children unhappy and I ruined all our lives. He said that I'm a bad wife; I'm bad cook that I love no one but only myself. On this he will take the kids from me and leave with them. Gradually I began to hear from the children that they don't love me, which dad is good and I am bad. When I forced them to eat, to learn, to bathe they threatened me that they will tell the father that he would come and will scold me.
In addition, he isolated me from his friends. He forbade me to go to Church. He did not give me money. I was in isolation. The children didn't respect me. Parents helped me with money, but they didn't understand me.
I was thinking about my future. And I saw no way out. My life seemed absolutely hopeless. And I thought about suicide.
I decided to commit suicide. I learned about different ways of committing suicide. I was registered on the site of suicide. But no one of kinds of suicide did fit me. And I started to look for the killer, who would kill me.
Every day I was looking for a black magician on the Internet. And then one day I came across the newspaper "Magic" in which I read the article the warlock Neboga and later found a link to his website. His blue intelligent eyes caused the trust and sympathy. To accept death from this executioner even nice, I thought. The same day I sent him a letter saying that I want to die and ask him to help me. And I got the answer that he has the power to satisfy my request but still would like to understand the reasons. We talked a bit, I briefly described the situation to him and then he agreed to make me a spell to death for a very decent amount but he said that he needs to see me in person. The sorcerer didn't say why he wants to see me, and I did not specify.
That day when I met Sergey, he was very busy. Our conversation took place in the car, on the road, while he went about his business. We traveled the roads of Cherkassy, Neboga asked me questions, I whined and complained, and he listened. Then he ran out to take care of some errands, came back and we talked about my life. All that time, I waited for the moment when he will turn into a horrible monster and will eat me or will take me away into the forest and kill me. And when we went to the satanic construction The Temple of Demons I thought there we meet witches and they kill me like a sacrifice to Devil. Of course I was scared, if you're interested. But even more I didn't want to return into my old life. And I was waiting for my death. All my thoughts of that moment was when I turn into incorporeal creation and return home only by the spirit to burn the husband's computer and smash up the apartment while my husband is not will be gray with fear. And then settle down somewhere close by him and turn the life of my tormentor in an earthly hell, to break his faith and principles. To bring it up to him what he brought me. And then to see he deserved heaven or not.
In the evening I have lost all my hope to die at the hands of the black sorcerer Neboga. On the contrary! He fed and cared for me, and even bought medicine when I had a sore throat.
In the evening, when his working day was over, the warlock Neboga offered to read me The Tarot of Lucifer. The map told us that my husband and I not going to live together and my slavery will come to an end; I shouldn't to kill myself. That I'll be okay and my life is just beginning. The card advised me to be strong, firm, to go forward and not to give up, and try to dedicate my life to witchcraft. The warlock Neboga took my money. He went home to his family, and in the morning brought me borsch and coffee, and ran away again to business.
Later we talked some more. He still was ready to make my original order if I insist. But in his opinion I must not to kill myself. Sergey said, so I stopped to let the snot and took himself in hand. He said I'm not evil and not a loser; I'm an ordinary woman who has the right to life and place in this world like everyone else. He told me I must fight and never give up! And thanks to him, I will bring a lot of good in this world. And Sergey will use his abilities to help me to achieve this. Then he put me on a bus and I left.
I can't say that my life is somehow changed, because I just come home and haven't done anything yet. But on the other hand my heart warm and calm. I'm not so alone. I have support. Sergey understand me. Even when the earth leaves from under feet it is important to know that there is someone nearby you who will lend a shoulder or you can hide behind his back, who will stop the thunder and who can return you to life. I realized that sometimes the mere presence of another person, even silent, helps to cope with despair. And sometimes a single word of a man who believes in you would return you to life.
I asked myself the question why all this happened!!! Why doesn't God protect me! Why he not listening to my prayers! After all, I was a practicing Christian and tried to live by God's laws. I many years were told their quotes the Bible: "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will open. Everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds and who knocks will open" But I was convinced that the words of Matthew are just empty words. They don't work at least for me. I never felt the support of Lord. God has turned cold and indifferent. The same was about my husband and of all his believers in general. In any priest I have not found such support as I found the support in the warlock Neboga!!! And I know a many priests, believe me. They are indifferent and they are not permeable. They like robots who whisper memorized their prayers and screaming into the microphone standard hackneyed phrase in his sermons. Their work has ceased to carry life and fruits. They can see that their prayers do not help and kept secret from parishioners their turned to Satan for help removed the evil eye or fear and they use the non-Christian rituals. And then they lie that Christian prayers helped. Their parishioners behave similarly. They go in the morning into the temple, and then seeing that it does not bring them relief they go to sorcerers to solve their problems.
The Church hierarchs of Eastern rite need to forbid priests to marry so as not to produce an army of angry wives who stand up against Christianity and begin to undermine it. On the other hand I think that they already do not care about what happens. God lost humanity and gave it for the Devil. Lord did it not because he is weaker. God did it because he does not care about his creation.
My husband poisoned my whole life. But he is a good priest and will deserve Paradise. Only the warlock Neboga became my breath of air, he was my Savior and tried to fix what the priest of God broke in my life. But the sorcerer did not deserve Paradise because he is not obedient to God and he's prays to Satan.
All is not gold that glitters - one of the favorite sayings of the warlock Sergey Neboga. And I fully agree with him. Let's not be like ravens who rush to the gold domes because they are bright and shiny. And don't be afraid of the dark. After all, when the eyes get used to darkness you can find all what you need for happiness.
Maybe I'm not the only one and there are still women who find themselves in a similar situation. If so then you must know that in your hands to change your life. There are no hopeless situations. Only you can choose a time and duration of decisions. And it is very important to remember that in this material world we are not alone, there's a whole universe of supernatural forces and people who have the secret power and can help us...